take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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