ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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