the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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