I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
