Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
