I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize