Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
