I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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