I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
