The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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