Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
