It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
