apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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