Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
