She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
