Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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