omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I supernannyed him into submission
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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