Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
