SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
