The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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