I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
