1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
