I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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