Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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