lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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