i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
