It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
