I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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