3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
