Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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