he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
