Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
