I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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