What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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