coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
