Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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