I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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