yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i think i just lost a toe
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
