oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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