walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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