Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
