I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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