i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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