somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
