TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
