I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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