how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
