So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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