How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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