I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
