I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
zippers are such a cool invention
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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