Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
