I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
