He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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