finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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