By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
