I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
