my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
