I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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