He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
