Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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