i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Who died my cat blue again?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
