Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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