Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
