Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
