You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
