I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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