He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
