I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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