i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
