So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
